I miss her so much
by Molly Rosie
Summary: Merlin, Gwaine, Arthur, and Gwen go camping and start talking about relationships when everyone questions Merlin about Freya.  No slash or anything like that.  Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: I'm not sure I'm going to continue this. But if I get good reviews from you guys I'll keep it going. Lot's of reviews please!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show, the characters, or anything else but I do own the plot so **_**hands off!**_

Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, and Gwaine had gone riding for the day. Around mealtime they decided to stop and start a fire. Somehow they got on the subject of relationships. Arthur and Gwen's relationship, Gwaine's failed ones, and then it got to Merlin.

"Merlin, have you ever, you know, been with anyone?" Gwen tried to ask politely.

Gwaine wasn't so polite, "Who, little Merlin? Don't be silly dear Guinevere."

"Yes" Merlin answered quite boldly while staring into the fire.

"What did you say?" Arthur asked. Not because he was stunned, but because he didn't hear what Merlin had just said.

"I said yes." Merlin looked up from the fire. "I've been with someone."

"Oh, is Merlin in love?" Gwaine teased.

"Come on Merlin, what's her name?" Arthur asked

"Does she work at the palace? I bet I know her!" Gwen gushed.

"It doesn't matter." Merlin said, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

"Why not?" Arthur asked seriously.

"Because" At this Merlin briefly considered shutting up but he knew Gwaine wouldn't let him hear the end of it. "Because we can never be together."

There was a moment of silence before Gwen interjected. "Why?" Merlin gave her a look that said _Leave it alone, Gwen._ But she continued, "I mean what ever it is that's keeping you apart, you can get over it. Just look at me and Arthur." As if on cue Arthur put his arm around Gwen.

Then Gwaine decided to speak up to. "Yeah Merlin. I've had enough girls to know that if you really like her, nothing can stop you from being together. So why did you two break up?"

"Um, we didn't."

"You're still together?" Arthur asked, astonished.

"No, I haven't seen her in almost a year."

Gwen was about to lose it. "Merlin, what happened a year ago?"

After a long pause Merlin looked back into the fire and with a broken voice whispered, "She, she died."


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: I'm not sure I'm going to continue this. But if I get good reviews from you guys I'll keep it going. Lot's of reviews please!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show, the characters, or anything else but I do own the plot so **_**hands off!**_

Gwaine and Merlin sat patiently as Arthur held Gwen until she stopped crying. She still looked on the verge of tears, but she held herself together.

It was Gwaine who asked the question on everyone's mind. "S-so, um, how did she…" He didn't go on because Gwen looked like she might cry again. After a deep breath, Gwaine decided to go in a different direction. "So how did you two meet?"

"It's kind of a funny story. Um, Arthur do you remember when you killed the girl who turned into a bastet?"

"What's a bastet?" Arthur asked.

"It's like a really big cat with wings." Arthur nodded. "Well, we met a few nights before that. I helped her escape from a bounty hunter."

"Wait," Gwaine interrupted, "what did the bounty hunter have her for?" Merlin opened his mouth but didn't know what to say.

Arthur knew right away. "Because she had magic? Now I get it. She liked you because you both had magic." Arthur felt pleased he had figured out why a girl would love Merlin.

With a slight laugh Merlin continued. "No. Actually, I liked her because she didn't judge me for my magic. And she liked me because I didn't think she was a monster." After seeing three different confused faces Merlin explained. "She, um, she was the bastet. A sorceress had cursed her. Even the druids wouldn't take her in! The druids!" Now Merlin looked on the verge of tears but he continued, knowing she wouldn't want tears shed over her. "I remember when she told me her name. I thought it suited her so well, that it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard in my whole life. I couldn't help but say it twice."

At this Gwen punched Arthur in the arm. "Ow." It probably didn't hurt but Arthur was offended anyway. "What was that for?"

"Why can't you say my name twice?"

"Guinevere, Guinevere, happy?" Gwen replied with a smile and an eye roll.

"I would have said her name a thousand times if I could have." Merlin said nostalgically.

"You still can." Gwen tried.

"Not with out it hurting." But with a look from Gwen, he paused and said, "Freya." And Gwen started crying again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: So this is the end. Thanks for reading everyone!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show, the characters, or anything else but I do own the plot so **_**hands off!**_

Once Gwen stopped crying again, she just asked Merlin outright. "Merlin, be honest with me. How did sh-Freya die?"

Merlin chose his next words very carefully, "She was wounded in the bastet body. Then when she returned to human form her wounds became fatal. I brought her to a lake I held her until she died. I could barely bring myself to light her funeral pyre."

Then Arthur asked the question Merlin was most afraid of. "How did she get wounded?" Merlin was trying to come up with a lie to tell him when Arthur began going over the battle again in his head.

"Oh my god." Arthur said, "I, I killed her." This time Gwen gasped and covered her moouth before she started crying again.

Ignoring Gwen all together, Merlin continued. "You didn't kill her. She might have lived but I couldn't get her help in time." Trying to cheer Gwen up Merlin said, "Gwen do you remember the time you found me stealing one of Morgana's dresses?"

Gwen nodded, "Yes, you said something about moths. You told me you needed to burn it."

"Well I was actually stealing it for Freya." Turning to Arthur he continued, "And do you remember when I started taking your food and I said you were fat? I was giving the food to Freya." Looking at the friends around him, Merlin knew. Freya would have liked them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: I got kinda lazy and I wanted to end with the last chapter. But I've been getting a lot of requests for more, so here it is. But I'm done, no more chapters, no matter how much you plead and beg!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show, the characters, or anything else but I do own the plot so **_**hands off!**_

"Oh and one last thing about Freya." Merlin said, trying to be as casual as possible. "See I tried once to bring her back to life, with magic. But I wasn't powerful enough. Instead of bringing her back body and soul I only brought back the soul part. I anchored Freya's soul to the lake. She looks the same as always. I visit her every week. But she um, she can't leave the lake. Ever. Look, when I get more powerful I'll free Freya from the lake. Until then, I'd really rather you guys didn't mention her."

So they didn't. In private, Gwen and Arthur talked about Freya often. Wondered what she was like. Gwaine rode out to the lake and tried to talk to her. But when she realized it wasn't Merlin riding down the path, she just threw seaweed at him. And they never brought up the conversation the four of them had around a campfire. Not even when Freya was formally introduced to them. Not at Freya and Merlin's wedding. Not when their twins, Balinor and Violet, were born. It didn't come up until Merlin and Freya's daughter, Violet became engaged to Arthur and Gwen's son, Tom. When the four, now rather old, friends sat around a fire to reminisce. Reminisce about the days before they were legendary, when they were only kids.


End file.
